Been at Wesleyan for approximately 10 minutes. Sitting in the campus center at a kiosk checking my email. Already totally weirded out. It feels like itapos;s been way longer than 4 months since Iapos;ve been here, maybe because my life at home is so completely removed from any sort of college experience and mostly, for that matter, people of college/my age. I donapos;t know why I didnapos;t expect to feel so strange and removed and up close, this is really how I felt going back to high school for the first year as well. Which means that maybe some day soon Iapos;ll feel like college is something so far away from me and Iapos;m not even close to that person any more. Iapos;m not sure what I think about that.
This weekend is looming before me scarily. Iapos;m afraid I wonapos;t be able to fill it with reasons Iapos;m back, but that thought is less scary than what it means, how I ended my college experience, my legacy, the things I left (or didnapos;t leave) behind, the things I came away with (or didnapos;t.) I keep reminding myself that itapos;s only two days. If Iapos;m being honest I came because I hoped it would turn out surprisingly well and because if I didnapos;t I would always wonder. But I also wonder when that will stop being a good reason/the reason for most things I do.
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